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For the new year I joined a health club.
It seemed like a good idea...
I could lose some weight.
But instead, I resigned myself to the idea of
paying a $79 per month FAT TAX!
| How to tell when you're driving too fast... |
|
| The man may have been a genius |
|
| but things still go on behind your back! |
| ...that's right |
|
| gotta watch your back! |
| HOW DO YOU KEEP AN IDIOT BUSY? |
|
| CLICK ON MY A_ _ FOOL! |
| Definately, the definition of an April Fool! |
|
NO, REALLY....
HOW
DO
YOU
KEEP
AN
APRIL
FOOL
BUSY?
CLICK ON THE LIGHTBULB TO FIND OUT.
Bill Murray gets defensive when told he has a reputation
for being difficult. ``If it keeps obnoxious people away, that's fine,'' he tells Time magazine in its editions on sale Monday.
``It makes me think of that line you catch more flies with honey than vinegar. People say this to you with
a straight face, and I always say, 'Who. Wants. Flies?'''
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| Some need more motivation to stuff the turkey... |
| The result of having too much time on your hands |
|
| during football season! |
"A kiss is a lovely trick
designed by nature to stop speech when words become superfluous."
Ingrid Bergman
Food has replaced sex in my life...
Now, I can't even get into my OWN pants!
"A man has to live with himself,
and he should see to it
that he always
has good company."
Charles Evans Hughes
The second day of a diet is always easier than the first...
because by then you've gone off the diet!
| Debbie Tencza's very animated cat... |
|
| Clyde knows how to relax! |
Best ad in the new year:
We've upped our service,
So
UP YOURS!
If you're going to drink during the holidays...then
do it right!
Two warming recipes are Dave specialities:
"Dreamy Alexander"
2C Brandy
3/4C White Creme de Cacao
3/4C Cointreau
2C Heavy Cream or Half-n-Half
1/2C Cold Water
-Combine in pitcher -Refrigerate 4+ hours
-Dust each serving with Nutmeg
"Hot Noggin"
4oz Egg Nog
-Warm (espresso steamer works great)
In Wine Glass:
1/2tsp Sugar
1/4tsp Ground Cinnamon
1oz Bourbon
1/4oz Cointreau
-Add Egg Nog
-Dust with Nutmeg
Seeing isn't believing...
believing is seeing.
| Dave's Birthday came & went again! |
|
Where did he disappear to this year?
Why does he disappear..... |
| Dave in Miami Sep29-Oct3 |
|
| Click to view the fun! |
West Virginia news...
Starbuck's Coffee just opened a store in
West
Virginia - the last state to have one.
The good news is that the people in
WV
can drink all the coffee they want and
they won't have to worry about staining their tooth!
A couple of turkey preparation tips:
1) Marinate the bird in Lipitor
to
keep that cholesteral down
2) Slap a Nicotine Patch on the
carcus
to help keep the turkey from making
everyone so sleepy
Man who run in front of car get tired.
Man who
run behind car get exhausted.
Three
guys are all having a serious conversation...
They are all asked the same question, "When you're lying in your casket,
and friends and family are mourning over you, what would you like to hear them say about you?" The first guy immediately responds,
"I would like to hear them say that I was one of the great doctors of my time, and the second guy says, "I would like to hear
that I was a wonderful husband and school teacher who made a huge difference in the children of tomorrow."
The last
guy thinks for a moment, and then replies, "I guess I'd like to hear them say, 'Look, he's moving!'"
Entertain someone today...even if it's yourself...
Page yourself over the intercom. (Don't disguise your voice)
Put decaf in the coffee maker for three weeks. Once everyone has
gotten off
their caffine addictions, switch to espresso.
Develop an unnatural fear of staplers.
When driving clients around,
insist on keeping your cars windshield wipers running
during all weather conditions to keep 'em tuned up.
Reply
to everything someone says with, "That's what you think."
Dont use any punctuation
While making conversation, occasionally bob your head like a parakeet.
Specify
that your drive-thru order is "to go".
Do not add any inflection to the end of your sentences, producing awkward silences
with the impression that you'll be saying more any moment.
Write the surprise ending to a novel from the library on its first page before
returning it.
Wander around a restaurant, asking other diners for their parsley.
Pretend
your computers mouse is a CB radio, and talk to it.
Deliberately hum songs that will remain lodged in co-workers brains, such as "Feliz
Navidad",
the Archies "Sugar" or the Mr. Rogers theme song.
Repeat the following conversation a dozen times:
"Do you hear that?"
"What?"
"Never mind, it's gone now."
 
A guy walks into a supermarket and buys the following:
--------------------
1 bar of soap
1 toothbrush
1 tube of toothpaste
1
loaf of bread
1 pint of milk
1 single serving of cereal
1 single frozen dinner
The checkout girl looks at him, smiles, and
says, "Single,huh?"
The guy smiles sheepishly and replies, "How'd
you guess?"
She says, "Because you're ugly."
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